My Favorite “Effectivity Tool”

I love “effectivity tools” – anything tangible that not only helps you work more effectively, but also helps you BE more effective. To me an “effectivity tool” is anything that can move you

From THIS:

• Boredom and frustration with some if not all of your work, procrastination, lack of concentration or motivation.
• Being pulled at from multiple directions to the point where you are juggling the best you can and still dropping balls all over the place.
• Getting frustrated with difficult people, reacting in conversations, judging others, or trying to get a point across without being heard, recognized, or respected.
• Spending most of your day doing what has to be done, with so little time left over you are too tired to engage with something you truly enjoy, and you end up zoning out in front of the television, computer, or food.

To THIS:

• You are focused and engaged with whatever is on your “to do” list today.
• When something “comes at you” you can calmly adapt and handle it without having it throw you off or ruin your day.
• In every interaction you have, from a difficult negotiation to a mentoring conversation to a big presentation to a chat with the cashier at the store, you are clear, confident, and have the impact you desire.
• Every day you make progress towards your goals, AND you enjoy spending free time doing what is most important to YOU.

There are all sorts of “tools” out there, from software applications that make life easier, to time management techniques, to models that make it easier to understand and label what is going on in a situation so you can handle it better.

My favorite tools give you three things:

1. A new way to look at a situation or event, so you have more and better information about it.
2. Tips for how to handle a situation or event, so you can get better results.
3. Insight about yourself, so that you change, and as a result, your situations change.

This November, in our “change your beliefs” workshop, I am going to talk about one of my favorite tools. This tool helps you:

1. Notice that you are looking at most situations through the filter of your assumptions, and helps you see the perspectives you hadn’t considered.
2. In situations that upset or anger you, this tool can help you change your emotions to neutral, so that your response is more effective and you get better results.
3. You can also use this tool to identify habitual patterns of seeing situations that no longer serve you, and can help you change entire patterns in your life.

It’s one of the most important tools I’ve used myself, and it has helped me become much more calm and confident in situations that used to worry and embarrass me.

I would love to share the tool with you in our upcoming November 10th workshop. For more information on it, click here.

Hope to see you there!

How to Say No With Class

Establishing boundaries on your time is critical so that you can prioritize and stay focused on what’s most important to you. But if you hate disappointing people, saying “no” can be a real challenge. Believe it or not, it is possible to refuse requests with grace. In fact, you can even empower the requester in the process! Mastering this skill will give you the time and energy you need to achieve what you really want. Here are some pointers to get you started:

1. Know when to say “no”.
If you don’t want to do something, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. Ask yourself if it serves a higher purpose; is it in line with your values and goals? Gauge your internal reaction. Do you secretly feel resentful? A negative internal reaction, coupled with no clear connection to a greater personal goal, probably means you should be limiting, if not eliminating, this activity from your life.

2. Know why you are saying “no”.
Usually there is a positive standard or value you are upholding when you say no. You’ve committed to getting home from work before the kids go to bed, to exercise during your lunch hour, to get some reading or quiet time in order to balance your life. Protecting something positive gives your position validity, and increases your confidence.

3. Acknowledge your Requester’s position.
When someone comes to you with a request, it’s usually to help solve a problem or achieve a goal. At first, “no” may seem like lack of appreciation for the situation itself. Acknowledging the problem puts you on the same side of the fence, and sets the stage for exploring different possibilities. Example: “I know how important this project is to you; what other resources are available?”

4. Offer alternative solutions.
If you provide alternatives, you are helping without taking on unwanted tasks. The alternative may or may not involve you. Examples: “I have a class I don’t want to miss tonight, but I’d be willing to open up my morning for you.” Or, “I’m studying this week, but I know a website that has the information you are looking for”.

5. Shift the focus.
Moving the focus away from you and towards your requester’s success re-enforces your personal connection, and ends the conversation on a positive note. Convey confidence in their ability to handle the situation, shine, and even benefit from the challenge. Example: “You’ve been working hard, and I know you’ll make a great impression. I bet one of the sales reps would be honored to assist”.

When someone comes to you for help, looking desperate and stressed, remember that their stress is about their problem, not about your role in it. If you want to help, by all means, get involved. But keep in mind, your time is your responsibility, and you must choose what you are willing to take on. You can be a great friend, and offer incredible support just by being there to help someone calm down and get re-centered. What’s important is focusing on positive solutions, not the degree of your involvement.

Confusions Kills

Life is a journey, and it often doesn’t matter which road you take. But if you aren’t clear about what you want, you might not take any road, and that’s the most debilitating type of time-wasting; it’s the kind that takes your life.

As a coach, the first question I ask at the beginning of an engagement, and again at the beginning of every coaching session, is, “What do you most want out of our time together”? What most clients want most of the time is clarity. Here are a few of the most common examples:

1. I want to figure out what to do next in my life
2. I want to figure out how to handle this business situation
3. I want more clarity about why I’m reacting to this person
4. I need help making a decision I’m conflicted about

When you are clear, it’s easier to act decisively and move on. When you are confused, it can feel like an endless holding pattern, and it impacts everything you do. Overwhelm at work stems from not being crystal clear on the one priority you can focus on now to get the most impact. Weak negotiating comes from not knowing what you want and when you are willing to walk away. Ineffective networking, sales and job-hunting all stem from not being able to clearly articulate what you have to offer and how that maps to someone else’s need. And one of the most painful results of confusion is a pattern of consistent direction changes, as you force yourself to make decisions in the name of moving forward, and your lack of clarity plagues you with ongoing doubt.

If you feel confused about your direction, a situation, a relationship, or an upcoming decision, here are a few ways to move to a place of more clarity and better decision-making:

1. Know your values

Your values are not automatically the same as the values of your parents, church, community, or social group. You can often pick up on a values conflict when you know the right thing to do, but you don’t feel motivated to do it. An example is going after a prestigious job or high-income business opportunity. In the United States, we place a lot of importance on how much money someone makes, but people need to feel personally fulfilled. It can be confusing when you have an opportunity to make more money, but you aren’t personally excited about the work involved. This dilemma can go both ways. What if, as a mom, you believe you should stay home with your children, but it drains you, and you miss the intellectual stimulation and camaraderie you got from being at work? Most people have five to eight very clear and strong values. Know yours, and be willing to stand for them.

2. Know how much control you have

One of the exercises I do frequently with clients shows how much control you have in any given situation. Confusion often stems from trying to control something that you can’t control. Maybe you have a certain degree of influence over the situation. Maybe all you can really control is your response. Once you acknowledge how much control you really have, it’s easier to decide what actions you are willing to take, and when to stop spinning your wheels and let go.

3. Acknowledge your dreams and test them

A common fear from the “choosing a life direction” category goes something like this: “What if I tell everyone what I really want, and then I fail?” We all have “pie in the sky” dreams that aren’t completely realistic. The problem isn’t having those dreams; it’s clinging to them in secret. If you keep the dream a secret and fantasize that you’ll make it happen one day, that dream prevents you from considering any other opportunities or truly experiencing the life you are in right now. The best thing to do with a pie in the sky dream is: bring it to the surface and commit to doing something about it. If you do this, one of two things will happen: (1) you’ll realize how hard it’s going to be, and you’ll decide you want to go for it anyway, because it will be worth the experience even if you fail, or (2) you’ll realize how hard it’s going to be, and you’ll decide you don’t have the energy, but maybe you’ll discover another way to enjoy what you love about it within the parameters of your real life.

4. Resolve internal conflicts

Internal conflicts come up when you get caught between two things that are important to you, and it seems that they are mutually exclusive. For example, “I want to succeed in business, but I also want to spend quality time with my family”. If one side keeps winning out over the other, you might want to go back to item one and take an honest look at it. Perhaps you feel that family “should” be a value but it really isn’t? It might be hard to admit, but this awareness provides you with a powerful level of freedom and clarity. Let’s say you realize that you love working, and that you don’t really enjoy spending time with family. This doesn’t take away from your commitment to your family, but it empowers you to think about it differently. You can ask yourself, “What is the minimum time I could spend with my family so that I am living up to my commitment?” You may find that it takes less time than you thought. Perhaps you choose to reserve one hour, three nights per week to eating dinner with the family, and you make sacred a weekly 24 hour period from Saturday at 2pm to Sunday at 2pm. Turns out you could work after dinner every weeknight, put in a few hours Saturday morning and a few hours Sunday evening, and still provide your family with the consistent quality time they need.

5. Make all decisions right

The truth is, every road will take you somewhere, and provide you with great opportunities, as long as you are paying attention. Most successful people don’t make the right decisions all the time or even most of the time. What distinguishes successful people from those who flounder, is that successful people trust themselves, and make the most of their decisions. They choose to learn something from every experience, and they know that new opportunities can always be created, simply by taking action. If you are struggling with a difficult decision, the best question to ask yourself is: “what’s the worst that can happen as a result of each choice, and if it does, how will I still benefit”? Once the pressure is off, and you realize that no decision is going to ruin your life, you are in a much better position to make the best decision, because you are no longer afraid of the results.

When you think about it, confusion is probably one of the top two or three killers of personal effectiveness. One of the best ways to stay clear is to get a coach, and get into a consistent pattern of talking every week or two. While hiring a coach can’t guarantee that you will double your income or land your dream job, it’s almost certain that you will get more clarity as a result of your coaching conversations. Sometimes people hesitate to invest in a coach because it’s hard to measure the return on your investment. One way to measure this for yourself is to look at how often you struggle with confusion, not just in business decisions, but in handling both personal and professional relationships, and managing your career and your life. Then ask yourself, if you were consistently clear, what would you be doing differently, and how would your life be different as a result?

How to Solve Repeating Problems

The first time you encounter a new problem, what you most need is information and expert advice. But repeating problems are frustrating, because no matter how many experts or “proven solutions” you apply, they just keep coming back.

Repeating problems keep coming back because they are symptoms of a deeper issue. As long as you focus on the symptom, it’s just like pulling the top off a weed and leaving the roots – no matter how much time, energy, or money you invest, it will just keep growing back.

For solutions that last, you need to find the source of a problem, and make a deeper systematic change. Of course roots are underground, and they don’t usually look much like the big plants that show up as weeds in your garden, and it’s the same with problems and the systems that cause them. They often don’t look alike at all. So how do you find the roots?

You need to look for patterns. In some cases, you can sequence the events that happen before and after a problem. Sometimes you’ll find the source in the personalities and relationships of the people who are involved with the problem, including yourself. Here’s an example:

EXAMPLE

Customers want the product yesterday, production skips steps to rush the product, someone makes a mistake, the customer is angry, someone rushes to fix the problem without documenting what was done, later the customer asks for a standard replacement and gets the wrong part because documentation was missing, the customer is angry, someone rushes to help, etc. etc. etc. In this case:

1. The repeating problems are: Angry customers, mistakes in production

2. The “repeating but temporary” solutions are “appeasing angry customers with fast customer service”, and possibly some form of “training or disciplining production employees”

3. The pattern is: Rush, rush, rush to appease the angry or demanding customer, make mistakes in the rush, customer gets angrier and more demanding.

4. The root of the problem is: Rushing

5. Now we look at what causes us to rush around in response to a customer request. Dedication to the principle that the customer is always right? The fear that we will lose the customer? The need for approval?

There are many possible solutions. One might be to brainstorm on ways to talk with customers about the benefits of waiting one more day for the product so you can uphold your quality standards. The important thing is that you are addressing the issue at the source and changing the system that causes the problem. Notice that this deeper solution is almost the opposite of the solutions you would apply by only looking at the surface problem.

EXERCISE – “Getting to the Source”

Here is a series of questions you can ask yourself to help you discover what is at the bottom of a repeating problem you are facing today:

1. Write a brainstormed list of when this problem has come up for you before:
1. In what way was it similar to the problem you have today?
2. In what ways was it different from the problem you have today?
3. What solutions did you implement then, and how well did they work for you?
4. Why would or wouldn’t you want to try those solutions now?
5. If you have tried some of the same solutions, how were your results different this time from when you had the problem before?

6. What key people, issues, dynamics, or components are the same every time or most times you’ve had this problem?

7. What thoughts and feelings come up for you consistently every time this problem comes up?

8. When this problem comes up, what does it make you wonder about yourself, other people, or the world?

9. If you could change yourself, other people, or the world, what would you change to make this kind of problem go away forever?

10. How much control do you have in this situation? Do you have complete control over the problem, some influence over the problem, or no control over anything except your response to the problem?

Make a list of possible actions / decisions available to you. Make a table like the one below to analyze possible solutions.

Possible Action / Decision

Worst Possible Consequence

Best Possible Result

How I will handle worst possible consequence

How I will benefit from worst possible consequence

If you have identified a pattern in your business or your life and would like to e-mail me your responses to this exercise I would be happy to share my feedback and comments.

How Getting Organized Impacted my Business

I first hired an organizer in 2003, wrote this article 2 years later, and still pull it out every few years and re-post it.  Even now, 7 years later, I still have most of the systems in place that my orginal organizer set up for me – and I stand by the claim that having great organizational systems has a direct impact on revenue!

So, here it is again:

HOW GETTING ORGANIZED IMPACTED MY BUSINESS

One day about two years ago, I decided to find out how much the clutter in my office was costing me.  The answer amazed me.  After a few days working with a professional organizer, I immediately increased my monthly income by about 50%.  And if you can imagine anything better than that – my stress level dropped to almost nothing.  What I learned about organizing has made a huge impact in my business and my life.  Here are five things I learned about the value and process of organizing that were key to achieving such amazing results:

1. Organizing, weeding, and taking care of open issues are distinctly separate activities.  Try to do them at the same time, and you run into trouble.

If you’ve ever hired a housecleaning service, you may have noticed how quickly they get the job done.  This is because all they do is clean.  They don’t get distracted picking up clutter, or fixing broken things, or deciding if something should go to Goodwill. 

The problem with organizing our own stuff is that everything we own requires a decision or reminds us of something we intended to do.  So, instead of “getting through the box”, we spend our time taking care of what we find in the box.  This approach takes a lot of time – it’s common to end up with the box still full hours later. Working this way is frustrating and overwhelming.

The professional organizer sees things differently.  She sorts through an entire box in 20 minutes, easily.  She has no emotional attachment to the items in the box – to her they are simply objects with a use, size, shape, and category attached to them.  Her job is to get them into piles and find homes for them.  All the things that need to be taken care of get put in a “take care of” pile and can be addressed once the organizing part of the job is done.

2.  Everything has a home, absolutely everything. 

You can’t put something away if you don’t know where it goes.  If you look at a pile of clutter, in most cases it exists because 80% of the contents either don’t have a home, or the home is not easily accessible.  Anything that will reside in your space, even temporarily, needs a home.  This includes keys, borrowed books, business cards, thank you notes, and single sheets of paper with scribbled notes on them.

The “home” is specifically designed around ease of use.  It’s located where the item is most often used, and it has a container or hook that fits.  The containers and hooks are critical.  They make it easy to retrieve items and easy to put them back where they belong.  They also reduce the chance of items getting in the way of each other.

The biggest benefit of assigning homes to everything is that a mess that used to take three hours to clean only takes ten minutes.  Why?  Because you grab the stuff and put it where it belongs.  You don’t even have to think.  I thought that when my office got organized, I would have to file a few minutes every day to keep everything looking perfect.  What I found is that even if I let my filing stack up for an entire month, I could get caught up on it in less than 20 minutes.  What a relief!

3. Create decision criteria, so you know immediately what to keep and what to throw away

If you don’t decide what to keep and what to throw away you have a lot of items taking up space that don’t have homes (because you aren’t sure you’ll keep them) and aren’t in the trash (because you haven’t decided to let them go). 

Here’s where my organizer really helped me.  She gave me a simple over-riding guideline, and asked really good questions whenever I was confused.  It went something like this:

The over-riding guideline:  You only keep something if you use it regularly, or you love it.

Then, every time I wasn’t sure about something, she would ask me a series of great questions:

        a.  What situation are you keeping it for?
        b.  How often does that situation occur?
        c. What will you do if that situation occurs and you don’t have it?

Inevitably we would find a lot of things I was keeping because they were “too good” to throw away.  Now all these items get donated to places where they will be used.

Once I had created my rules, everything went much more quickly.  I would “weed” first, by throwing out or donating everything that didn’t fall into the “keep” criteria.  Then once I got to the organizing, it was simply a matter of sorting and finding homes for everything that was left.

4. I wouldn’t have done it myself. 

If I pay close attention, this is what happens when I organize alone:  I get frustrated because it’s taking too long; I get bored because it’s not interesting work; I get distracted because I think of other important “revenue producing” activities I should be focusing on; I get angry when I discover something I intended to do that fell through the cracks; I stop and try to solve problems as I uncover them.  All these negative thoughts and emotions drain my energy and pull me away from the task at hand.

With my organizer the experience is quite different:  She sorts quickly and easily because she has no emotional connection to my stuff.   As issues come up, we discuss them, and because she has lots of experience with similar situations, decisions come quickly.  There is a sense of teamwork, forward movement, and the relief of having someone experienced to lean on who will insure that the project continues to move forward, even when I’m lagging behind.

5.  The return on investment is enormous. 

For me it was several thousand dollars. It started with about four extra hours per week.  On top of that I had a more powerful presence that came from knowing I had everything under control.  I was more prepared when I gave presentations, I had a better follow up system, I put more thought into my writing, because I was more relaxed about taking the time to think.  That translated into more powerful personal interactions, which translated into more business.  My monthly revenue immediately increased by about 50% after the initial organizing effort, and never dipped back. 

It’s been about two years now since my first experience with an organizer.  Since then I’ve continued to use an organizer periodically, to replace systems as they become obsolete, or to save me if I’ve let things go for more than a few months.  Even though it’s a smaller, more intense effort, I consistently experience more confidence, more time, and increased business in the weeks following the visit. 

Copyright @2005 – 2010 Nahid Casazza   www.aspyrre.com