When you want something TOO much

A few years ago, I was talking to a prospective new client, let’s call her Janelle. We were talking about discovering work she loved, and going through the steps of career transition. During our conversation, I heard her say, “Oh…if this doesn’t work, if I can’t find that one thing I’m passionate about – I think I’ll just die!”

That was my red flag. It told me, unfortunately, that she was TOO attached to finding her passion. SO attached that she was almost guaranteeing that it would never happen. She was sad and lost, and miserable in her work. Somehow she had decided that if she could find “her passion” then that would solve all her problems. She had decided that “finding her passion” was the magic cure, the only cure, and the only path to feeling good again. I knew right then that there was almost nothing I could do with her as a coach unless I could help her detach from “needing” this outcome so desperately – and an emotion that powerful isn’t something that detaches easily.

It’s the desperation that does it. Remember the last time you were desperate in a relationship? The other person was probably running the other way, right? The same thing happens when we are desperate for a job, desperate to lose weight, desperate to make millions, desperate for our kids to get straight A’s, desperate for anything to happen a certain way. Usually it doesn’t happen the way we hoped and dreamed it would – ever. In fact, the few times we are able, against all odds, to obtain what we so desperately want, we are in for a rude shock- the thrill lasts only a few minutes and then we are back in our slump again. We find out sadly that it didn’t change anything.

The only solution is to stop being desperate. But if you’ve ever been in this situation, you probably know, that you can tell yourself to stop being so desperate – and it doesn’t do a darn thing.

This month in the Aspyrre Community, we will be addressing this issue of getting overly attached to an outcome, and provide a step by step process you can use to help detach so you can more effectively achieve your goal. I will be running both an in person workshop and a telephone class with a workbook for those who are not in the immediate area. For more information on these classes, you can go to the events page or the home page and look at our “Upcoming Events” in the center.

This over attachment cycle is something that can truly drive one mad, and if you can relate, please join us in these enlightening and productive events that give you tangible tools – and some control back.

Living Life on MY Terms

Testimonial from Kathy Shute:

Here’s the predicament I was in….

I’d been a loyal private coaching client of Nahid’s for several years, and felt I was on track with my life. Unfortunately, then crisis hit. Over the span of a year I underwent a major, emergency surgery that took me out of work. After my recovery, I obtained a new position but after working there for only six months I was laid off. To make matters worse, my husband was laid off a little before I was!

Nahid showed up in my life again with a powerful, new tool.

I was teetering on the brink of depression. These layoffs could have been a blessing with different timing.
But I didn’t have the resources or clarity to move toward any career dreams yet, nor the investment reserves to hire Nahid to help me navigate this crisis.

As fate would have it, Nahid called me to share news that she was starting The Aspyrre Community.
As I listened, I knew it was the perfect solution – exactly what I needed. Cost-effective, authentic group workshops that provided ongoing coaching while I looked for a job.

Here’s the powerful epiphany I had during one of The Aspyrre Community workshops…

During one of my first workshops, I gained clarity about my career and life goals.
What I truly wanted was to be an Artist, a Writer, and to travel the world!

Wow, what a scary thought….if only I had a million dollars or a benefactor.
Here’s where my second paradigm shift came about. Nahid informed me that all I needed was a way to create passive income, affording me more time to paint and travel.

Okay, but how…I wondered? She then told me about a book called, The 4 Hour Workweek, by best-selling author Tim Ferris. It provides a wealth of great ideas about designing your lifestyle and then living it by leveraging your time and creating passive income…just what Nahid was telling me to do!

The turning point….

Meanwhile, I had to be practical and find work. Yet, the industry I worked in was hard hit by the national recession, and offered little in the way of job prospects.  So I read The 4 Hour Workweek and then I became inspired. Partly as a result of these discussions, my husband decided to start an online business that made use of his corporate online marketing and web design skills.

After some time, with no job, but with ongoing support from the Community, I joined up with my husband, and can you believe it? I began using my writing skills in the new business! We also put my artwork online, too, and found an automated high-quality vendor to reproduce and ship it to customers around the world.

My life and career transformation:

Just a year after joining The Aspyrre Communty, I’m working full time writing, painting and traveling the world, while building equity toward my future. I can’t say enough good about Nahid and the direct, ongoing value she brings to members like me in The Aspyrre Community!

My job drains me, but I’m afraid to leave

Dear Nahid,

My job drains me, but I’m afraid to quit.  I don’t know whether I would find anything better.  I don’t even know what I’d enjoy doing.  I can’t afford to quit.  I can’t afford to go back to school and start all over again doing something new.  Yet, I get sick to my stomach on Sunday nights thinking about work on Monday.  I can’t do this for twenty more years.  What should I do?   – Trapped

Dear Trapped,

You are not alone.  Studies have shown that more than half of all employees are not completely engaged and happy at work.  It’s sad that so many feel trapped and don’t see a way out, but it’s also true that it takes focus and energy to make a change, and some people would rather tolerate a draining environment than risk losing what they have for something worse.   While I can’t tell you what to do, I can provide some tips based on my work with career changers over the years:

1. Career Transition can take six months to three years or more.

If you are working in a draining environment, you may be tempted to quit so you have time and energy to move forward.  But unfortunately that extra time will be replaced with panic if you don’t have a source of income to keep you comfortably afloat for at least a year.  When I work with people who are panicking about running out of money, it is difficult for them to be confident during interviews, and they tend to take the first opportunity that provides income, whether it’s a good fit or not.   Which may put you in a worse position than you were in before. 

2. Your level of fear or confidence will determine how fast you succeed.

If you are embarrassed to make phone calls and ask questions of strangers, uncomfortable talking about yourself, and really scared of whether or not anyone will want you, then your transition will take longer.  If you are somewhat excited, up for the adventure, and willing to learn a lot, get out of your comfort zone and open your mind to new perspectives, then your transition can happen quicker.

3. No matter who you are, it is possible to design your life around work you enjoy.

Making a change in your life requires the willingness to carve out time each week to take action, and most of the action involves networking – talking to other professionals, sometimes even selling yourself.   It also requires taking an honest look at yourself and coming to terms with the personal issues that might hold you back professionally.   But if you are willing to put in the time and energy, you will get results.

4. You don’t have to go back to school or start at entry level in order to change industries.

This is a common misperception that holds people back from trying to make a transition to something they would really love to do.  It’s actually quite scary how many assumptions people make about what they can’t do just by hearing one “failure story.”   If you have a belief, no matter what it is, all you will see in the world is evidence that supports your belief.  You have to be open to the possibility of your success in order to succeed, and that means you have to be open to looking for examples of people who have succeeded at what you are trying to do, and learn from them. 

5. A support system will make all the difference in the world.

When I first started thinking about leaving my corporate job to start my own company I was petrified.  But I found a group of friends who also had dreams they were scared of acting on, and we agreed to get together once a month at someone’s house to talk about our dreams and support each other.  We didn’t do anything fancy – we just talked about what we wanted to do, and we shared our progress with each other along with ideas and resources.  The positive energy in that group gave me what I needed to make the leap.  If I didn’t have the other group members to talk to, I might never be where I am today.   (if you need a group and don’t want to put one together yourself, the Aspyrre Community is exactly the kind of group that supports you in change – and you can find more information about it by clicking here.)

Bottom line, it’s DEFINITELY possible to build your life around work you love.  It does take time, work, and personal growth.  I remember before making my change I felt like I just needed someone to guide me.  What we have here at Aspyrre is a step by step process, lots of guidance, and lots of support, so you can get all of that you need.  The part that comes from you is crossing that threshold of wanting the change more than you fear taking action.  Luckily, you don’t have to do anything drastic.  You can take a few small actions first, and see how they feel.

Best of luck to you, and feel free to write again anytime – I’d love to hear about your progress!

Sincerely,

Nahid Casazza

Five Steps to Finding Work You Love

We have the freedom in this country to choose our profession. Yet, the number of Americans who don’t enjoy their work is astounding. If you feel stuck, use these five steps to take charge of your career:

1. Know what you love

The work you love falls at the intersection of your unique talents and your favorite things. Make a list of what you are proud of, then circle everything on the list you truly enjoyed doing. Think about what subjects you read about just because you are interested. Then, make a list of work possibilities.

2. Interview people who do what you love

Get a feel for the real experiences of people who have already taken the paths you are considering. This critical step provides you with enough information to decide which possibilities on your list are worth deeper exploration.

3. Reframe your history

Write a list of skills and experience that would make a person great at the work you want to do. Then, for each item, list the skills and experience you have that correlate. You’ll find you are left with very few holes; most are actually advantages because you have a fresh perspective.

4. Collect relevant experiences

Find a way to immerse yourself in the world of your target work for 4 – 8 hours per week. This can take the form of volunteer or part-time work, joining professional organizations, attending conferences, and reading industry books and news. You’ll be surprised how quickly you get up to speed, and if it doesn’t feel like play time – go back to step one!

5. Network for opportunities

Build relationships with people in your target industry, and keep your eyes open for chances to solve problems and add value. Communicate your goals clearly, but don’t expect job offers right away. Enjoy the process and act on opportunities that line up with your objectives and income requirements. In this stage, consistency and follow up are the keys to success.

Three Ways to get Closer to Work you Love

Studies have shown that more than half of the working population doesn’t enjoy what they do for a living. So they spend 40 – 60 hours per week feeling stressed out, drained, or bored in exchange for a steady paycheck and health benefits. If you have one of these jobs, or you’ve recently left one, you may wonder sometimes what it would take to find a job you really enjoy, and what it would feel like to be fulfilled and energized by your work.

Unfortunately we have so many pre-conceived notions about what it would take to build an ideal career that most people give up before they start. The biggest one is that doing work you love requires a big change in your current lifestyle: lots of risk and lots of sacrifice.

But there are many cases where just making a few small changes, like moving to a new organization, or making a slight change in your job duties, can make all the difference in the world. In other cases, you may be able to leverage your strengths and completely change industries or start a viable business without missing a beat.

Here are three ways to start the process:

1. Write a list of all the things you most enjoy. After you have completed the list, brainstorm on jobs that might relate to each item. Go beyond the obvious. For example, if you enjoy art, look at things like event planning, advertising, or product design. Also, look at the art industry itself. How is art bought and sold? What roles require people to make decisions based on their understanding of art? What roles require people to draw and sketch in their daily activities? Really get out of the box and ask others for crazy ideas if you get stuck. Sometimes the barrier is that you can only see the one path that involves risk and sacrifice. If you can see several alternative paths, they may be at least worth investigating.

2. Go beyond the surface question of what job would make you happy. Ask yourself the deeper question: what is it about the things you love that make you happy? For example, most of my clients will say they love travel. But when we think about why, their answers reveal more important insights. Some clients love to travel because it’s the only time they feel free to relax and live in the moment. Others love to experience different cultures. If you love music, ask yourself what it is about how you live with music that is different from how you currently live at work. Do you express yourself differently? Do you manage time differently? Do you manage interruptions differently?

3. Have conversations with people in a wide variety of professions, and learn what their experiences are. You may find people in jobs that are similar to yours, but in a completely different environment. You may find people making a good income in ways you’ve only dreamed of, who are very willing to share their story. The more conversations you have, the more you will learn “what’s out there”, and the better perspective you will have on your own position. Sometimes we get so immersed in our current situation that we forget that there are other ways of living and working. Getting exposed to these diverse perspectives empowers you to see new possibilities for yourself.

It only takes a few hours in your spare time to think about these questions and talk to different people. You may confirm for yourself that there is no easy way to make a change. But what if you discover some new ideas or options? If it IS possible for you to spend those same 40 – 60 hours each week feeling fulfilled and engaged, would it be worth your time to find out about it?