Five Keys to Leaving the Impression You Want

(1) Dress the Part

Beyond dressing well, choose a style that speaks to the characteristics you want remembered. Do you want to portray money and power, down-to-earth warmth, creative genius, hard worker? If you don’t know where to start, watch other people, monitor the impressions you have of them, and look at what they are wearing. Look at pictures in magazines, talk to at least three friends to get an opinion. Go to an expert and spend extra money to get three to five outfits you feel confident wearing.

(2) Categorize Yourself

Whether you like it or not, people do not have the brain capacity or the motivation to remember all your wonderful characteristics, talents, and accomplishments. They will categorize you if they can, and if they can’t, they wont remember you at all.
Take control of what others remember about you by creating a simple and clear picture of who you are, what you have to offer, how they can help you. One method for doing this is to first give your name and a major category most people can relate to and then add something that makes you special or different. If you can’t think of anything that makes you stand out, ask ten people who know you well for some ideas.
For example, if someone tells me they are a “Financial Planner” at a networking function, I may or may not know what a financial planner is and I may or may not ask more questions. Usually I wont ask much because I don’t want to encourage a sales pitch. Even if I get and keep the business card, it will probably go into the stack of other cards and get lost. On the other hand, if I meet the following two people at a networking function, I will be much more likely to remember them, and at some point send them referrals.

a. Hello, I’m Ann Smith. I’m a financial planner who specializes in helping people get out of debt. I spend extra time teaching my clients key concepts and clearing up misconceptions so they can make wiser decisions on how to manage their money. I work with people who are overwhelmed with their financial situation and need someone to help them through it step by step.

b. Hello, I’m David Longfellow. I am a financial planner who specializes in maximizing the value of my client’s assets. I work well with busy executives who simply don’t have time to worry about money. I do all the work and provide them with short but frequent progress reports so they know they are in good hands.

Notice that both introductions can be said in less than 30 seconds. Each one gives you enough information to categorize that person in your mind. You know something unique about the service they offer and have an idea of the kind of person you might refer to them. Through a carefully crafted introduction, they have greatly increased the likelihood that you will remember and refer them a week or two later when you run into their “perfect” client.

(3) It’s Not About You

The impression you make has a lot less to do with you than your audience: what they want to accomplish, what they are worried about, what they fear, what they need. Most people you meet have their own agenda – and it’s not to hear everything about you. Even a job interviewer is after pretty specific information, regardless of how open-ended his questions are. It often has to do with the positive or negative characteristics of the last person who held the position. If that person had a hard time fitting in, they are probably looking for good team players. If he didn’t take initiative, they’ll want someone who seems assertive.

At a networking event, people will be much more likely to listen to you if they think you might become a helpful member of their network. It’s well worth your time to hold off on pitching your case and listen for a while. Put yourself in their shoes. Find out who they are, what they are trying to accomplish, and see if you can fit into their picture. Your “30 second introduction” doesn’t have to roll off your tongue at the beginning of the discussion. If you listen first, you can customize it to what you learn.

Meanwhile, just by showing interest you will make a far stronger impression than anything you can say about yourself. If you can find a way to help others achieve their goals you add the element of reciprocity, and they will want to help you as well. One word of warning – don’t pretend to be interested if you aren’t, and don’t offer help you don’t really want to give. People smell insincerity a mile away and, as a “technique” this will backfire.

(4) Bring a Token to Leave Behind

A business card, a resume, a small brochure or flyer. If you want to make a lasting impression, your “leave behind” can work wonders. Make it something they will want to keep and refer to. Categorize it for them so they know where to file it. Have it match the overall impression you are trying to make. Use nice paper if you want to be seen as professional. Keep it clean and simple, with basic but useful information. Anything too big, bulky, or detailed will be seen as clutter. Anything too “cheap-looking” will be an easy target for the trash bin. Think about what you keep in your workspace or in reference files. If you have a business, you may want to get creative and pass out personalized pens, pads of paper, or refrigerator magnets.

(5) Leave them wanting more.

And make it easy for them to get it. Don’t pressure yourself to inundate people with information about yourself or your business. Get your basic point across and then relax and get to know people on a more casual and genuine level. Let them get a glimpse of the real you, and don’t worry about being perfect. People feel much more comfortable when they can relax and enjoy themselves, even during very professional interactions such as a job interview. Interviewers officially assess candidate qualifications, but they also look for people who will be fun to work with. Your personality makes you real, and it allows people to connect with you and enjoy the experience of being with you.

A big part of this experience is allowing space and time to get to know each other. Get contact information from people you want to stay in touch with and follow up. Sometimes it takes several years for a relationship to turn into a business or career opportunity, and sometimes only a few weeks. It is rare that deals are made and closed in one meeting. So do your best to prepare, be yourself, make the best impression you know how to make, and then don’t depend on it. Follow up regularly and add to the impression over time.

The ONE key skill that drives Professional Success

One of my favorite books is Crucial Converations. I read it a couple of years ago, and there are two key things I keep going back to. Number one, the authors did several years of research looking for what sets apart the most effective people in organizations. They were actually surprised at what they discovered. For those of you who haven’t read the book, they ended up with a pretty diverse group of relatively normal people. They were only able to isolate ONE key factor that they all had in common. It was the ability to effectively facilitate open, productive dialogue in high stakes, high emotion, critical conversations, where most people aren’t comfortable coming clean with what is really on their mind. A great example is confronting a high level boss on what appears to be hypocrisy: advocating cost cutting measures while spending lots of money on personal perks. Another example is having the courage to admit you don’t buy into a corporate initiative that everyone else is going along with, or confronting a peer on unethical behavior. The people who can do this, and do it honestly, authentically, respectfully, and consistently, inspire everyone around them, and they win loyalty and followers, whether or not they are a leader on paper. They are the leaders who emerge naturally, because everyone wants to work with them.

The second thing this book does is put together a model that shows exactly what an effective conversation is. So if you want to work on this NUMBER ONE skill and develop it, you have an idea of what you are shooting for. It’s plain as day: you don’t react to or snap back at people who push your buttons, you openly say what is on your mind without judgment, you pay attention to the assumptions you are making about people and situations, and instead of living in your stories, you take the initiative to talk to people, find out what’s going on, and test your assumptions. Easy to see, plain as day. But really, really, really, really hard to DO!

Have you ever tried to honestly confront your boss and not feel like you are risking career suicide? How motivated have you been to open up to your most political peers? And, after you’ve been burned in a meeting in front of the very people you are most trying to impress, do you really have the energy to approach the offender and graciously ask if they intended to impact you that way?

So, you know what skills you want to develop, and you know what it looks like when someone has that skill fairly well developed, but making the required changes in yourself to actually master the skill-set can be daunting.

This is where I come in. The series of tools I use in my coaching practice are all geared towards moving you to a place where you can interact powerfully and authentically with others. Here are just a few examples:

(1) You learn to get a firm handle on what drains you, and you manage your energy more effectively, so that when opportunities for crucial conversations come up, you have the mental clarity and confidence you need to handle them better.

(2) You learn what is behind your emotional reactions, and why you react more strongly to certain people and situations. This enables you to control your reactions better so that you are able to have more effective conversations.

(3) You learn basic principles of what drives behavior, which helps you understand what might be going on when others act immature, inconsiderate, or even completely out of line. This makes it easier to confront the behaviors without negative personal judgments.

(4) You become more self-aware, and learn to question and test your assumptions as a matter of course, which enables you to consider multiple perspectives at once, make better decisions, and better facilitate meetings and important discussions with others, whether you are the “designated” meeting manager or not.

I’ve compiled all of this into a new Interpersonal Mastery program that has one purpose: to help clients focus on and build the ONE SKILL that drives professional success. The program can be brought into an organization as a series of workshops or classes, or it can be taught within an individual or group coaching program, and I have found what often works best is a combination of training and coaching.

But the best thing with this program is you can take it one step at a time. Interpersonal mastery is SO important, and it makes SUCH a big difference in your effectiveness within the work environment, that in one short two-hour presentation, you can get enough information to apply immediately and start seeing a difference in your conversations.

One thing I wonder, is if interpersonal mastery sets apart the most effective individuals within organizations, what happens to organizations that commit to increasing this skill in ALL employees? I have been parts of small teams that have achieved amazing results, and in all those teams we had open, productive dialogue paired with a shared excitement about our goal. If you provide the goal – I can teach the skills that pave the way to productive dialogue. Just imagine what could be possible for your team!

If you’d like to test this program out, the easiest way to do it is bring an initial seminar into your organization. You can treat your team to an offsite or, if time is short, you can start by setting aside an hour in your regularly scheduled staff meeting. Even the smallest step can make a difference.

I am willing to schedule up to four events each month for organizations located in or close to Orange County, California. If you would like to bring a workshop or presentation into your organization, please call (949) 495-1021, and we can get you on the schedule!