My job drains me, but I’m afraid to leave

Dear Nahid,

My job drains me, but I’m afraid to quit.  I don’t know whether I would find anything better.  I don’t even know what I’d enjoy doing.  I can’t afford to quit.  I can’t afford to go back to school and start all over again doing something new.  Yet, I get sick to my stomach on Sunday nights thinking about work on Monday.  I can’t do this for twenty more years.  What should I do?   – Trapped

Dear Trapped,

You are not alone.  Studies have shown that more than half of all employees are not completely engaged and happy at work.  It’s sad that so many feel trapped and don’t see a way out, but it’s also true that it takes focus and energy to make a change, and some people would rather tolerate a draining environment than risk losing what they have for something worse.   While I can’t tell you what to do, I can provide some tips based on my work with career changers over the years:

1. Career Transition can take six months to three years or more.

If you are working in a draining environment, you may be tempted to quit so you have time and energy to move forward.  But unfortunately that extra time will be replaced with panic if you don’t have a source of income to keep you comfortably afloat for at least a year.  When I work with people who are panicking about running out of money, it is difficult for them to be confident during interviews, and they tend to take the first opportunity that provides income, whether it’s a good fit or not.   Which may put you in a worse position than you were in before. 

2. Your level of fear or confidence will determine how fast you succeed.

If you are embarrassed to make phone calls and ask questions of strangers, uncomfortable talking about yourself, and really scared of whether or not anyone will want you, then your transition will take longer.  If you are somewhat excited, up for the adventure, and willing to learn a lot, get out of your comfort zone and open your mind to new perspectives, then your transition can happen quicker.

3. No matter who you are, it is possible to design your life around work you enjoy.

Making a change in your life requires the willingness to carve out time each week to take action, and most of the action involves networking – talking to other professionals, sometimes even selling yourself.   It also requires taking an honest look at yourself and coming to terms with the personal issues that might hold you back professionally.   But if you are willing to put in the time and energy, you will get results.

4. You don’t have to go back to school or start at entry level in order to change industries.

This is a common misperception that holds people back from trying to make a transition to something they would really love to do.  It’s actually quite scary how many assumptions people make about what they can’t do just by hearing one “failure story.”   If you have a belief, no matter what it is, all you will see in the world is evidence that supports your belief.  You have to be open to the possibility of your success in order to succeed, and that means you have to be open to looking for examples of people who have succeeded at what you are trying to do, and learn from them. 

5. A support system will make all the difference in the world.

When I first started thinking about leaving my corporate job to start my own company I was petrified.  But I found a group of friends who also had dreams they were scared of acting on, and we agreed to get together once a month at someone’s house to talk about our dreams and support each other.  We didn’t do anything fancy – we just talked about what we wanted to do, and we shared our progress with each other along with ideas and resources.  The positive energy in that group gave me what I needed to make the leap.  If I didn’t have the other group members to talk to, I might never be where I am today.   (if you need a group and don’t want to put one together yourself, the Aspyrre Community is exactly the kind of group that supports you in change – and you can find more information about it by clicking here.)

Bottom line, it’s DEFINITELY possible to build your life around work you love.  It does take time, work, and personal growth.  I remember before making my change I felt like I just needed someone to guide me.  What we have here at Aspyrre is a step by step process, lots of guidance, and lots of support, so you can get all of that you need.  The part that comes from you is crossing that threshold of wanting the change more than you fear taking action.  Luckily, you don’t have to do anything drastic.  You can take a few small actions first, and see how they feel.

Best of luck to you, and feel free to write again anytime – I’d love to hear about your progress!

Sincerely,

Nahid Casazza

Four Stages of Decisive Change

The Stages

* Pre-Stage One – Testing the Waters
* Stage One – The Tornado
* Stage Two – The Marathon
* Stage Three – The Rainbow
* Stage Four – The Transformation

Pre-Stage One — Testing the Waters

You have a dream or a fantasy that you flirt with from time to time in your head. You wonder whether you should try to make it happen. You wonder if you have what it takes. Then you forget about it. For a long period of time – could be months or years, ideas pop in and out of your head. You may even have spurts of energy where you gather information or start moving forward, but they are very short lived. Throughout all of this you feel uncertain. The stage ends when you decide for certain that you will at least give it a shot.

Stage One – The Tornado

Key Entry Point:

Mentally, you decide that for whatever it’s worth, you are going to go for it. This mental decision point may precede action for several months, but the questions you mull over in your head have changed from “Should I do this?” to “How will I do this”?

What it Feels Like:

Exciting, Scary, and Exhausting

What You Can Expect:

1. Every action takes much more energy than you think it should

§ You get extremely anxious as you plan to act

§ What seem to be relatively simple tasks completely drain you – both before and after you do them

2. An emotional roller-coaster

§ Sometimes you are so excited you can hardly breathe as you imagine how you are finally making this happen!

§ Other times you feel discouraged, wrought with self-doubt, wondering if you are taking the right steps, and what compelled you to think you could do this in the first place.

§ Sometimes you are afraid to do something that seems simple and will avoid it at all costs

§ Sometimes you want to hide under the covers and escape from all of it

3. Over-reaction and emotional attachment to results.

§ Discouragement is especially prevalent after getting a result that wasn’t what you hoped for

§ Really needing for something to work out – knocking on wood a lot

§ Complete elation when you get the results you had hoped for

§ Sentimental attachment to first signs of success

4. Sabotage seems to run rampant – both from within and without!

§ Life events, your family, career, obligations pulling you away from your endeavor. Just when you think you are moving forward, something earth-shatteringly important gets in the way.

§ Lots of procrastination, lots of distractions, lots of needing to take a break and relax

5. The people you thought you could count on most for support surprise you.

§ They may offer support but don’t follow through

§ They express anxiety over what could go wrong

§ They know people who could help you but don’t introduce you

§ They keep treating you as if you aren’t going to change

§ You get the feeling they don’t believe you can pull it off

§ You get the feeling they are threatened by your action/success

How to Get Through It:

1. What you most need:

a. A reason stronger than short term results to maintain energy and keep going.

b. Faith, because you have no guarantee of success.

c. Lots of support and encouragement from good friends who believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

2. Realize that everything will take more time and energy than you expect because it’s new – take baby steps, and rest a lot between them.

3. Accept that this will be like swimming upstream, and the current will keep pulling you backwards – persist, persist, persist. When something prevents you from getting something done, reschedule it, or try to do part of it. Chip away and take your time.

4. Gather information, mentors, guides, books, buddies, support like it’s going out of style. You’ll need all of it to help you stay focused in periods of discouragement and self-doubt.

5. Stay Away from naysayers: people who are used to you being the way you are now, people who tell you about all the obstacles.

6. Find new people who haven’t seen you in your last role, who will believe in you in the role you aspire to.

Moving out of Stage One:

You get to a point where you realize that this is going to be a lot harder than you think. You may decide that this is not what you want after all. Or, you may begin to feel a strong sense of determination. The determination moves you into stage two.

Stage Two — The Marathon

Key Entry Point:

You realize that this is going to be a lot harder than you ever imagined, but you are willing to put in the work.

What it Feels Like:

Hopeful, Frustrating, Like Real Hard Work

What You Can Expect:

1.  You have more clarity about what you want – you can visualize your goal.

2.  Most of the time you have confidence that you are doing the right thing.

3. You begin to let go of all expectations, because you seem to continuously break records for all time horrible results.

4. You know the positive results are a long way off, but you see evidence of change, and are optimistic.

5.  You have times where you are achieving really great results and you feel really good about yourself and your endeavor.

6. You have times where you feel like for every step forward you take, you are taking five steps backward.

How to Get Through It:

What you most need:
1. Resources: energy, motivation, money, time, health, friends, creativity, optimism, survival skills, something to fuel you for a long haul.
2. Balance: the ability to step away from it and enjoy other parts of your life.
3.Perspective: a humble detachment from your failures and successes, the ability to see what you will have gained from your work/investment regardless of the outcome.

4.  Develop a sense of humor, learn to laugh at yourself

5.  Be willing to try new things. Learn from everything you do – what went right, what went wrong, what can I do better?

6. Creative Problem Solving: You will run out of money, you will run out of time, you will run out of energy, you will be on your last leg over and over and over again. Learn how to survive and stick it out one more month.

PreMature Stage Two exit:

You run out of resources and can’t figure a way out of it. You must decide to drastically change your plan, either by taking a detour or a break. In most cases you can maintain your direction at a lower level or you will revisit it later. In some cases, the new direction presents a new opportunity, and the experiences you’ve had so far integrate into your new direction.

Moving on from Stage Two:

You start getting more comfortable with both positive and negative results, because you’ve seen positives turn to negatives and negatives turn to positives before. You are more focused on the process than the results. You begin to work more effectively and efficiently. It doesn’t take as much energy to do what needs to be done.

Stage Three — The Rainbow

Key Entry Point:

You are focusing on the process more than the outcome, you are working more efficiently and effectively, and your confidence is increasing – regardless of the results.

What it Feels Like:

Confident, Exciting, Relieved, Energizing

What You Can Expect:

1. You aren’t there yet, but you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you know now that you can make it.

2. You are starting to get more positive results.

3. You still make mistakes, and have disappointments, but you react to them differently – you view them as part of the process: you learn from them and move on.

4. You feel more confident.

5. Other people are starting to see you as an expert. People who didn’t seem to believe in you before are coming around.

6. Sometimes you feel that you can’t meet the expectations of others – that you are a farce – that they are seeing you as an expert when you really aren’t.

7. Now that you have mastered the basics, you begin to see new things that you need to learn and do better.

How to Get Through It:

1.  Take advantage of your ability to be more efficient and effective to get more done and accelerate your success.

2.  Think Excellence – raise your standards; use your new skills to produce the best results you are capable of.

3.  Focus on refining everything you do so that it fits in well with your life and you really enjoy doing what it takes to be successful.

4.  Make sure to enjoy the process – this is actually the most enjoyable stage of the entire change cycle.

Premature Exit:

Much less likely in this stage but may occur because life happens. Usually in this stage you can handle problems or detours and get back on track fairly quickly.

Moving on from Stage Three:

You’ve gotten so close to your initial goal that you no longer doubt that you will meet it, and maybe you increase it. You feel confident and natural in your new role. You begin to spend less time thinking about your actions, and begin to do them automatically.

Stage Four — The Transformation

Key Entry Point:

You’ve completely integrated the change into your life. You know longer think about it because it’s “you”.

What it Feels Like:

Natural, comfortable, routine, sometimes boring or disappointing, the thrill is gone

What You Can Expect:

1.  There is no turning back because your change is part of you – it’s who you are, what you do. You would have to go through an equally dramatic change process now to change BACK to what you did/who you were before.

2.  You are beginning to focus on other areas of your life.

How to Get Through It:

Typically in this stage you are done, and you are thinking about the next thing in your life that you would like to change.

Five Steps to Finding Work You Love

We have the freedom in this country to choose our profession. Yet, the number of Americans who don’t enjoy their work is astounding. If you feel stuck, use these five steps to take charge of your career:

1. Know what you love

The work you love falls at the intersection of your unique talents and your favorite things. Make a list of what you are proud of, then circle everything on the list you truly enjoyed doing. Think about what subjects you read about just because you are interested. Then, make a list of work possibilities.

2. Interview people who do what you love

Get a feel for the real experiences of people who have already taken the paths you are considering. This critical step provides you with enough information to decide which possibilities on your list are worth deeper exploration.

3. Reframe your history

Write a list of skills and experience that would make a person great at the work you want to do. Then, for each item, list the skills and experience you have that correlate. You’ll find you are left with very few holes; most are actually advantages because you have a fresh perspective.

4. Collect relevant experiences

Find a way to immerse yourself in the world of your target work for 4 – 8 hours per week. This can take the form of volunteer or part-time work, joining professional organizations, attending conferences, and reading industry books and news. You’ll be surprised how quickly you get up to speed, and if it doesn’t feel like play time – go back to step one!

5. Network for opportunities

Build relationships with people in your target industry, and keep your eyes open for chances to solve problems and add value. Communicate your goals clearly, but don’t expect job offers right away. Enjoy the process and act on opportunities that line up with your objectives and income requirements. In this stage, consistency and follow up are the keys to success.

Three Ways to get Closer to Work you Love

Studies have shown that more than half of the working population doesn’t enjoy what they do for a living. So they spend 40 – 60 hours per week feeling stressed out, drained, or bored in exchange for a steady paycheck and health benefits. If you have one of these jobs, or you’ve recently left one, you may wonder sometimes what it would take to find a job you really enjoy, and what it would feel like to be fulfilled and energized by your work.

Unfortunately we have so many pre-conceived notions about what it would take to build an ideal career that most people give up before they start. The biggest one is that doing work you love requires a big change in your current lifestyle: lots of risk and lots of sacrifice.

But there are many cases where just making a few small changes, like moving to a new organization, or making a slight change in your job duties, can make all the difference in the world. In other cases, you may be able to leverage your strengths and completely change industries or start a viable business without missing a beat.

Here are three ways to start the process:

1. Write a list of all the things you most enjoy. After you have completed the list, brainstorm on jobs that might relate to each item. Go beyond the obvious. For example, if you enjoy art, look at things like event planning, advertising, or product design. Also, look at the art industry itself. How is art bought and sold? What roles require people to make decisions based on their understanding of art? What roles require people to draw and sketch in their daily activities? Really get out of the box and ask others for crazy ideas if you get stuck. Sometimes the barrier is that you can only see the one path that involves risk and sacrifice. If you can see several alternative paths, they may be at least worth investigating.

2. Go beyond the surface question of what job would make you happy. Ask yourself the deeper question: what is it about the things you love that make you happy? For example, most of my clients will say they love travel. But when we think about why, their answers reveal more important insights. Some clients love to travel because it’s the only time they feel free to relax and live in the moment. Others love to experience different cultures. If you love music, ask yourself what it is about how you live with music that is different from how you currently live at work. Do you express yourself differently? Do you manage time differently? Do you manage interruptions differently?

3. Have conversations with people in a wide variety of professions, and learn what their experiences are. You may find people in jobs that are similar to yours, but in a completely different environment. You may find people making a good income in ways you’ve only dreamed of, who are very willing to share their story. The more conversations you have, the more you will learn “what’s out there”, and the better perspective you will have on your own position. Sometimes we get so immersed in our current situation that we forget that there are other ways of living and working. Getting exposed to these diverse perspectives empowers you to see new possibilities for yourself.

It only takes a few hours in your spare time to think about these questions and talk to different people. You may confirm for yourself that there is no easy way to make a change. But what if you discover some new ideas or options? If it IS possible for you to spend those same 40 – 60 hours each week feeling fulfilled and engaged, would it be worth your time to find out about it?