I can have Time AND Money

Testimonial from Kathy Shute

Here’s the predicament I was in….

I was working 60-70 hours per week in a management position, where I felt constantly drained. I knew I needed to change my priorities and my career, but didn’t know where to begin! I was too tired to try and figure it out myself, as I had no clarity around what I wanted to do next.

 The only thing I did know, was that I wanted to do something vaguely the opposite of what I was doing now!

Working with Nahid I had a “light bulb” moment…I was my own prisoner!

 I began working with Nahid as a way to help create this much-needed, major shift in my career and my life. One day, during a “Belief Session”, which is a powerful tool Nahid uses, I had an epiphany. I realized that I held a deep belief. It was this. That in order to have abundance, I needed to keep working tons of hours in a career that had outlived it’s purpose for me.

 I didn’t believe in my ability to have an abundance of time AND money. Much less, I also believed I couldn’t have both while doing something that would use my talents and passions!

I was a prisoner to a common, yet highly unempowering belief!

 The turning point….

 During this same session, Nahid helped me to see that I had simply adopted beliefs about time and money that I’d learned as a child. This understanding helped me to remain compassionate about myself while preparing to change my belief.

 Nahid then shared a simple tactic to help me immediately open my mind… that perhaps the opposite belief was true. I used this tactic to PROVE to myself that I could have abundance of time and money, all while doing what I love. (I wouldn’t have adopted the belief without proof.)

 I was still afraid, but thrilled to test out my new theory. What did I have to lose? Nahid’s simple tactic helped me to bravely take the next step.

My life and career transformation:

 Within six months of following Nahid’s guidance, I was able to truly adopt this new belief of time and abundance. This inner change gave me the courage I needed to leave my career and begin a new one. It hasn’t always been easy, but neither was living through the agony of being my own prisoner.

 Over the next few years I was able to identify and realize a hidden dream. Today I own a business with my husband, and I enjoy writing, painting and traveling the world, while building equity toward my future, too.

 I can’t say enough good about Nahid and the direct, ongoing value she brings to her coaching clients. I’m also a member and fan of her recently-founded Aspyrre Community. As I travel the world, I appreciate such a cost-effective community, access to its’ strong network, and the online tools that it provides for me.

What makes life worthwhile?

What makes my life worthwhile?

Nahid,  I have been working, working, working, to achieve everything that is important to me, and now that I’m almost 50, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m missing the point of my life.   It seems like there’s always something more to achieve, but I can’t keep waiting until everything is done to start enjoying life.  If life isn’t about achievement, what is it about?   You talk about “accelerating your success” on your website; how do YOU define success?  – Lee

Lee, that is an excellent question.  Success is related to accomplishments, and that’s why people who want to be successful often find themselves in a frenzy trying to chalk up as many accomplishments as they can.  But, like you, most people reach a point when they realize that the accomplishments themselves don’t provide fulfillment.  And then they ask the critical question, “What makes my life worthwhile”?   The answer is different for everyone, but you can get to it by shifting your focus from WHAT you accomplish to WHO you are. 

Instead of seeing your accomplishments as your success, try seeing them as a reflection of your success.   In other words, success is based on WHO you are, and WHAT you do is simply one aspect of how you show up in the world.

WHO you are is more directly shown by HOW you approach everything you do in life.  For example, if you are a hard worker who consistently puts effort into everything you do, then you will likely see this reflected in your grades at school, in your performance at work, and in any activities or hobbies you pursue.  There may be times when someone who doesn’t work hard out-performs you, but that doesn’t take away from who you are and how you approach life. 

One powerful question you can ask yourself is “what kind of person do I want to be, no matter what situation I’m in?”   If you commit to being this kind of person, you may find that your attachment to your accomplishments goes away.  You’ve anchored yourself to something deeper and more meaningful.  Paradoxically, you will probably accomplish more, as a result of consistently behaving in a manner that is true to WHO you are.

Your question has inspired me to start working on a new exercise and workshop to guide people step by step through the process of defining personal success in this deeper, more meaningful way.  Keep your eyes open for events listed on the website, and make sure to get on the e-mail list if you haven’t already so I can send you a notification when it’s ready!

Thanks so much for taking the time to ask this important question, and inspiring me to address it! 

Sincerely,

Nahid

Values-Based Goals

This is the time people like to re-assess their lives, but most New Year’s resolutions don’t survive through February. If you follow good goal-setting practices by writing specific, tangible, and trackable action plans, you have a better chance of success. But the most important reason resolutions, goals, and ideas don’t survive is this: they weren’t real goals in the first place.

Here are five quick ways to check to see if your goals are real:

1. The clarity check: Can you see it, taste it, feel it, smell it? Can you envision your life once you have achieved this goal? Do you know exactly what steps you will take to achieve it? Vague but emotional thoughts like “I’ll know it when it happens”, or “I’ll finally be happy when..” tend to be red flags. In this case pick one step that is clear to you, and focus on that.

2. The purpose check: Is it worth it to you to go after the goal, even if you don’t achieve it? If not, you will find it hard to stay motivated.

3. The gut check: Do you dread the thought of “going without” whatever you are planning to give up? Will it take lots of will power to achieve your goal? Then ask yourself what you get from your habit – and find a new way to get that need met so it will be easier to let go of.

4. The duplication check: If you’ve had this goal several times before and haven’t succeeded, make sure you are doing something different this time. You need to be able to answer the question, “What’s new this time that will give me a much better chance of success?” Get a support system – it’s the most significant difference you can make.

5. The commitment check: If it’s someone else’s goal, how excited are you about achieving it? What will you get out of it? Do you understand the rationale behind the goal? If that person were not invested in the goal, and told you to set your own goal, what would it be?

YOUR YEAR IN REVIEW – 2009 – 2010

YOUR YEAR IN REVIEW – 2009 / 2010

The following questions are different from your usual weekly report. They will give you a chance to really think about last year and get crystal clear on what’s most important for you this year. In your first coaching session of the year, we will review what came up for you, and create a structure to support you in building and living 2010 your way. (This is not an on-line form. Copy and paste the questions into a word document where you will have room to answer them, and you can send me your completed document via e-mail when you are through)

1. List 3 – 10 things you accomplished in 2009 that you are proud of:

2. What were the most important things that you learned in 2009, both in business, and personally?

3. What has changed, and as a result of these changes, how will your life be different this year?

4. How have you changed over the year, and as a result of those changes, what new possibilities exist for you?

5. What were your happiest moments in 2009, both personally and professionally? Is there anything you want to do to preserve and cherish these memories?

6. What are your regrets – is there anything you would have done differently if you had the chance, and how?

7. If you have already thought about goals and resolutions for 2010, list them here. If you haven’t, leave it blank for now.

8. What if it all had to stop now? (take your time with this one) If you had 9 months to live and 9 million dollars, what would you do?

9. What do your answers to numbers 5, 6 and 8 tell you about the values you want to make sure to live in 2010? No matter what goals you set for next year, and what you achieve, how will you know you are living each day of your life with purpose?

10. If you had unlimited resources and support to make anything happen, both in your professional and personal life, what would things look like by October of 2010?

11. List two big initiatives worth shooting for professionally this year. They should feel challenging, yet possible and exciting.

12. How will you have to change the way you work to give yourself the best possible chance of success?

13. List one big personal change you want to make this year. It should feel challenging, yet possible and exciting.

14. How will you have to change in order to give yourself the best possible chance of success?

15. Assuming you will have the best support system available to you the entire year, that this support system is ready, willing, and able to provide you with anything you need to give you the best possible chance of success, list the five most important things that you need:

Congratulations! You have completed the questions. Now, if you have any energy left, this is the place to brain-dump any additional thoughts, feelings, or open questions about last year, this year, or what came up for you when you answered the questions. You may e-mail this to me or keep it to yourself, but make sure to have it with you when we meet next, so that we can discuss.

Confusions Kills

Life is a journey, and it often doesn’t matter which road you take. But if you aren’t clear about what you want, you might not take any road, and that’s the most debilitating type of time-wasting; it’s the kind that takes your life.

As a coach, the first question I ask at the beginning of an engagement, and again at the beginning of every coaching session, is, “What do you most want out of our time together”? What most clients want most of the time is clarity. Here are a few of the most common examples:

1. I want to figure out what to do next in my life
2. I want to figure out how to handle this business situation
3. I want more clarity about why I’m reacting to this person
4. I need help making a decision I’m conflicted about

When you are clear, it’s easier to act decisively and move on. When you are confused, it can feel like an endless holding pattern, and it impacts everything you do. Overwhelm at work stems from not being crystal clear on the one priority you can focus on now to get the most impact. Weak negotiating comes from not knowing what you want and when you are willing to walk away. Ineffective networking, sales and job-hunting all stem from not being able to clearly articulate what you have to offer and how that maps to someone else’s need. And one of the most painful results of confusion is a pattern of consistent direction changes, as you force yourself to make decisions in the name of moving forward, and your lack of clarity plagues you with ongoing doubt.

If you feel confused about your direction, a situation, a relationship, or an upcoming decision, here are a few ways to move to a place of more clarity and better decision-making:

1. Know your values

Your values are not automatically the same as the values of your parents, church, community, or social group. You can often pick up on a values conflict when you know the right thing to do, but you don’t feel motivated to do it. An example is going after a prestigious job or high-income business opportunity. In the United States, we place a lot of importance on how much money someone makes, but people need to feel personally fulfilled. It can be confusing when you have an opportunity to make more money, but you aren’t personally excited about the work involved. This dilemma can go both ways. What if, as a mom, you believe you should stay home with your children, but it drains you, and you miss the intellectual stimulation and camaraderie you got from being at work? Most people have five to eight very clear and strong values. Know yours, and be willing to stand for them.

2. Know how much control you have

One of the exercises I do frequently with clients shows how much control you have in any given situation. Confusion often stems from trying to control something that you can’t control. Maybe you have a certain degree of influence over the situation. Maybe all you can really control is your response. Once you acknowledge how much control you really have, it’s easier to decide what actions you are willing to take, and when to stop spinning your wheels and let go.

3. Acknowledge your dreams and test them

A common fear from the “choosing a life direction” category goes something like this: “What if I tell everyone what I really want, and then I fail?” We all have “pie in the sky” dreams that aren’t completely realistic. The problem isn’t having those dreams; it’s clinging to them in secret. If you keep the dream a secret and fantasize that you’ll make it happen one day, that dream prevents you from considering any other opportunities or truly experiencing the life you are in right now. The best thing to do with a pie in the sky dream is: bring it to the surface and commit to doing something about it. If you do this, one of two things will happen: (1) you’ll realize how hard it’s going to be, and you’ll decide you want to go for it anyway, because it will be worth the experience even if you fail, or (2) you’ll realize how hard it’s going to be, and you’ll decide you don’t have the energy, but maybe you’ll discover another way to enjoy what you love about it within the parameters of your real life.

4. Resolve internal conflicts

Internal conflicts come up when you get caught between two things that are important to you, and it seems that they are mutually exclusive. For example, “I want to succeed in business, but I also want to spend quality time with my family”. If one side keeps winning out over the other, you might want to go back to item one and take an honest look at it. Perhaps you feel that family “should” be a value but it really isn’t? It might be hard to admit, but this awareness provides you with a powerful level of freedom and clarity. Let’s say you realize that you love working, and that you don’t really enjoy spending time with family. This doesn’t take away from your commitment to your family, but it empowers you to think about it differently. You can ask yourself, “What is the minimum time I could spend with my family so that I am living up to my commitment?” You may find that it takes less time than you thought. Perhaps you choose to reserve one hour, three nights per week to eating dinner with the family, and you make sacred a weekly 24 hour period from Saturday at 2pm to Sunday at 2pm. Turns out you could work after dinner every weeknight, put in a few hours Saturday morning and a few hours Sunday evening, and still provide your family with the consistent quality time they need.

5. Make all decisions right

The truth is, every road will take you somewhere, and provide you with great opportunities, as long as you are paying attention. Most successful people don’t make the right decisions all the time or even most of the time. What distinguishes successful people from those who flounder, is that successful people trust themselves, and make the most of their decisions. They choose to learn something from every experience, and they know that new opportunities can always be created, simply by taking action. If you are struggling with a difficult decision, the best question to ask yourself is: “what’s the worst that can happen as a result of each choice, and if it does, how will I still benefit”? Once the pressure is off, and you realize that no decision is going to ruin your life, you are in a much better position to make the best decision, because you are no longer afraid of the results.

When you think about it, confusion is probably one of the top two or three killers of personal effectiveness. One of the best ways to stay clear is to get a coach, and get into a consistent pattern of talking every week or two. While hiring a coach can’t guarantee that you will double your income or land your dream job, it’s almost certain that you will get more clarity as a result of your coaching conversations. Sometimes people hesitate to invest in a coach because it’s hard to measure the return on your investment. One way to measure this for yourself is to look at how often you struggle with confusion, not just in business decisions, but in handling both personal and professional relationships, and managing your career and your life. Then ask yourself, if you were consistently clear, what would you be doing differently, and how would your life be different as a result?